Getting Ready for Christmas

So Bio Mum and I just put up our Christmas tree and it got me to thinking that if all goes to plan this time next year we may have a little Bub shaped observer or I, Incubator Mum, will be just about ready to pop! It won't just be Bio Mum, me and Moo (who was forced to dance in the lounge room to Christmas carols with me while Bio Mum unsuccessfully snapped photos on her phone). It is a thought that makes me as excited as a kid who has drunk way too much red cordial.

Last post of mine I started to tell the story of Bio Mum and my journey to have a baby. I think the journey officially started back on 15 May 2012, even though the discussions and thought of making Bub had started quite a bit before that. I'd say that was the 'official' start to this process because that was the day we had our very first appointment with Dr D, a specialist in Obstetrics and Gynecology working with our fertility clinic.  

Dr D is amazing. She instantly made us feel like she understood us and what we wanted. She made us feel like she was on our team and that making Bub was really important to her (clearly not as important as it is to us because that would be kind of weird). She put us at ease and gave us hope that our dreams of having Bub in the way we wanted to was a real possibility.

Dr D never told us how it had to be, she listened to what we wanted and advised from there. She was so excited to help us build our family that she made me feel totally confident in her ability to help us through this process. Yay for Dr D!

The way Bio Mum and I wanted to have Bub is by no means the simplest, but it is the way we both feel is right for us and our relationship. The way it will work is that we'll use Bio Mum's eggs, donor sperm and I, Incubator Mum, will be the one getting knocked up. I guess that might explain the names I am using for us. Bio Mum will be the biological Mum and I will be the birth (or incubator) Mum. Its a way we can both be involved and have a real, tangible connection to Bub once he or she enters our lives.

I mean there are a lot of other factors in our decision, like the fact it will be easier for me to get maternity leave and sick leave because of where I work, plus I am a bit younger than Bio Mum so fertility wise we may have a better chance at getting me all knocked up. It just felt like the right way for us to go about this. 

I will admit though that the thought of morning sickness has almost terrified me to the point that I would willingly pass the reins of pregnancy off to Bio Mum! I keep telling myself that not all women get bad morning sickness and that if they do it rarely lasts that long. I also tell myself that no amount of discomfort or nausea will ever be enough to make me not want to give Bub a home in my womb for 9 months!

Actually I have read some things in pregnancy books that have scared me to my core! It got to a point where Bio Mum told me to stop reading them. I just like to be prepared! Maybe once I am actually pregnant I'll start reading them again. I want to be the best pregnant Incubator Mum I can be so that Bub shoots out as healthy as possible. I just want to give Bub the best start to life I can.

That would be why I am aiming to eat a fair amount of Sushi before getting impregnated, knowing that it will be off the menu for me once Bub has taken up residence in my belly. It's actually quite interesting to read about what you can't eat while pregnant, I will miss you sushi, salad bars and soft cheese! Fare thee well wine and cider, we will be reacquainted again one day!

It's all for the best reason though, to give Bub a good start at life. Oh Bub I can't wait to give you life and to have you join our family. Many steps have been climbed already, and many more are still to go, but all are worth it to bring you into our lives. You are barely more than a dream at this stage, but Bub Bio Mum and I already love you so much.

Stay tuned for more Tales of Bio Mum and Incubator Mum and I will keep telling the story of how Bub will be joining our family.

Ciao for now.
  

In the beginning...

In the beginning there was Bio Mum and me, Incubator Mum, living happily together like two lesbian pigs in mud. Then came the undeniable and unrelenting thoughts of babies. Babies are everywhere! I can't go to the shops without seeing a baby or a pregnant lady and instead of turning me off the whole idea, it just made me ever more certain I wanted that for Bio Mum and myself.

I wanted the sleepless nights and pretending to be impressed by every little thing this tiny human would do. I wanted to get fat and have people ask me "so when are you due?" And I wanted to tell them and gush about baby clothes, cots, toys, car seats and the like. I wanted to experience crazy pregnancy hormones and weird cravings. I wanted to build on our family in the only way that could ever make us feel complete. I wanted (and still want) to be a Mummy.

Now Bio Mum and I had talked about babies a fair bit. We established early on that we both wanted them in the not so distant future. I had always seen myself settling down and having kids one day (of course when I was a teenager I forced those dreams to include a man...how glad am I that I realised my Prince Charming was really a Princess?!). It was something I had always wanted. I remember being a little girl and playing families with my friends. I always had babies in those games and it felt right.

I was born to be a lesbian Mum, just like other people are born to be doctors or actors or porn stars (well actually I don't know if people are born to be that last one...that might just happen). I was born to meet Bio Mum and fall head over heels in love with her. I was born to build a family and a life with her, that much I am certain of.

So once that certainty was there, the next step was to actually start seriously talking about the whole baby making thing we would need to embark on. 

Having a baby sounds reasonably simple doesn’t it? I mean people and animals have been doing it since the beginning of time so how hard can it be? Well I for one never realised how complicated (and expensive) it could become.

You know the old story your parents told you about how you came into the world. Your Mum and Dad loved each other very much and then you were born. Magic!

Well in reality it doesn’t quite work out like that. There are variables that turn this wonderful, natural every day event into something that is still wonderful, but with added layers of complexity. For Bio Mum and I the journey is somewhat different from the one our parents took to have us.

The journey for a lesbian, or hell any, couple to have a baby can take a variety of forms. We could adopt, we could foster, one or both of us could get pregnant (preferably not at the same time! That would be way too much crazy pregnancy hormones for one couple) or we could have our fur kids. Bio Mum and I are besotted with our fur kid Moo, the big, goofy, loveable Rottweiler/Ridgeback cross.

We are now quite a ways along our baby journey, not quite at the cooking (pregnancy) stage but we’re getting there. Over the next lot of post I will give the details of what has gone down so far. The appointments, the tests, the dreaded hormones, the whole kit and caboodle. 

It has been an exciting/stressful/challenging time, but at the end of the day it will be 150% worth it when we get to meet Bub.

Incubator Mum, signing out.