Monday 29 April 2013 - Day 8
Well hell everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! If you live in Australia like me, then last week we had a public holiday on Thursday for ANZAC Day and like a fair few people I also took the Friday off to make an extra long weekend! Bio Mum and I celebrate our 2 and 1/2 year anniversary today so we headed off for the weekend to our favourite place up in the mountains and enjoyed a relaxing, fun weekend away.
(Photo credit goes to Bio Mum, this was the view from our balcony...bliss)
It was pure heaven. I can't wait to go back there again.
We spent a lot of time relaxing, watching TV and just spending time together. Highlights were our lovely (and much needed) massages, dinner at the resort restaurant, mountain biking (the most beautiful way to see the gorgeous scenery...and work up a sweat at the same time) and a very windy/cold walk part of the way up Mount Kosciusko. We got to 2000 meters so I was proud of that!
Today it was back to reality...and back to work unfortunately. I do really enjoy my job, but it is always hard to come back after such a lovely weekend. Today also meant me heading into our fertility clinic for a blood test. The nurse who took the blood was amazing. No one has ever been able to get blood from my right arm before (my veins are very tricky) and she got the vein first go. No hassle at all! I guess those nurses take a lot of blood.
I just spoke to the clinic and I am back in for another blood test on Wednesday. My oestrogen, LH and progesterone were all low (in the normal sense of the word, nothing to worry about) so we aren't quite near ovulation yet. I could be looking forward to a few more blood tests before the levels are right.
I have continued reading 'Up the Duff' by Kaz Cooke, seriously good reading. I think I'll be reading it a few times before this whole baby making journey is over. It's practical, which I like and need.
Oh and by the way I lied, I said in my last post (or maybe the one before I can't really remember) that I was done drinking...well that didn't quite eventuate. Instead I have enjoyed a few glasses here and there (ok so more than a few glasses this past weekend) and will probably try not to have any more before implantation. I promise, hand on heart, that there will be no alcohol consumed once Bub is up in there and cooking away.
Bub is just an idea now, but is already so loved it is crazy.
So I've been thinking about some questions I want to find out the answers to about pregnancy. I figure I'd better jot them down so when we are actually sitting in front of our eventual doctor I will know what the hell it is I am thinking about.
1) Can I dye my hair while pregnant? If so is it safer to do myself at home (as I do now) or go to a salon? I have been going grey since 17 and without dye I have quite an impressive head of grey. I am 26 so its a bit soon for the silver fox look.
2) Is chai tea and chai lattes safe during pregnancy?
3) Where are good places to find reasonably priced maternity clothing that won't make me look like I'm wearing a sack?
4) How do I cope with the first trimester at work if I decide not to tell my boss until I'm into the second trimester?
I'm sure there will be more questions soon. My head is a busy mess about all this baby stuff!
Tuesday 23 April 2013 - Day 2
Hello all, I hope everyone is well. I am actually pretty uncomfortable and in a bit of pain because my uterus is punching me from inside. Ok so to clarify, yesterday was day one of my cycle and this is the cycle in which we are going to transfer one of our frosty babies into my uterus and hope the little thing sticks. Yeah that's right in 40 weeks, if all goes to plan, I will be having a baby (or twins if Bio Mum gets her way)!
I am excited and scared and overjoyed and impatient and nervous and happy and worried and calm all rolled into one. I feel ready, which is strange because I always thought you never actually felt 'ready' to have a baby. I always saw it as something you were never quite ready for, but that you grew into like a pair of jeans that didn't fit before you had a growth spurt as a teenager. I mean how do people get ready for their lives to change?
But I am ready for my life to change, I feel ready to have a baby and to be a Mum.
Of course, with that said I am going to have to learn a lot in the coming year. I have never changed a nappy, never fed a baby, never bathed a baby, never put one to sleep. I have never had to deal with real sleep deprivation and have an intense aversion to vomit and the other bodily products. I could potentially be screwed...or maybe, like everyone says, it is all different when its your baby. Maybe when its my little Bub I will hardly bat an eye lid at projectile vomit or poop explosions. Maybe I will adapt to motherhood like I was born to be a Mum.
Maybe I will have to learn a very quick crash course in parenting...maybe someone needs to buy my 'Babies for Dummies' or something...ok maybe I'm not as ready as I thought I was only a few minutes ago.
Maybe I'm ready for the idea of a baby and need to catch up with being ready for actually being pregnant and having a real live little Bub to look after.
Bio Mum's and my dear friends had a beautiful baby boy a week and a bit ago and it has given me a real yearning to have one of my own. Little E-pup (as I am calling him) is such a handsome little guy and I know they will be the most fantastic mothers, maybe they can teach me a thing or two along the way? I have so much to learn.
Bio Mum will be great. She is so great with babies and kids (mostly because she is a big kid). She will be a great Mum while I fumble along and try not to drop Bub or mess up too much. I am lucky to have Bio Mum as my partner in all this.
I have been reading this great pregnancy book, 'Up the Duff' by Kaz Cooke. It is the first book I have read that really laid it all out clearly with no bullshit. It's funny and informative and so far not freaking me out too much. I recommend it highly! Its great because nothing is sugar coated and it offers great advice.
I have to admit that now that we are on track to actually get pregnant, now that the time has come and its not just some distant idea that is months away, its hard not to shout it from the roof tops and tell everyone! I want to share the excitement and nerves with the world. This is such a huge thing that we are doing and it feels strange that no one else knows about it.
I think its for the best that no one knows, it means that we don't have to deal with other people's disappointment if it doesn't work. Plus I can't wait until I can tell my loved ones, workmates and friends. I can imagine announcing it at my section meeting, seeing the looks on my friend's faces when I tell them and sharing their excitement they all hear the news for the first time. It is going to be hard to keep it a secret though.
So here we are, officially on day 2 in what might be the official first week of my pregnancy. Blood test on Monday morning to see how we are going heading towards ovulation and then yet more blood test and an ultra sound or two (internal, unfortunately) and then the trigger injection to trigger ovulation and then (drum roll) transfer! Bub may be only a 40 short weeks away!
This year has gone even faster than the last! I swear it feels like its only just the start of the year and now Easter is over! Maybe its because we are getting closer to Bub that time is moving quicker? Or maybe time is moving exactly as fast as it always has and I am losing my mind. That is probably the most likely scenario.
Easter was great! Four whole days off work! It's was exactly what I needed, although it was hard to come back to work this morning. Bio Mum and I headed off into the mountains to spend Easter with her family, which was nice. We had the nephews there, and everyone knows that Easter is one of the those holidays that is just better with kids around. While we were there I managed to do some napping, read my kindle and ate lots of chocolate while spending time with Bio Mum's family.
Next year Bub might even be here and we will get to spend Easter with our little one...I am so going to be one of those parents who puts rabbit ears on their baby!
Bub is going to look very, very cute in bunny ears! Until we have Bub, I guess I'll settle for dressing up the dog.
On the topic of Moo, she is now totally healed from her surgery and running around like a mad thing. She is no longer confined to the laundry and is free to do her daily boarder patrol. Although now that she is allowed to go outside, she wants to stay inside! The grass is always greener. She ran around like a crazy thing this weekend and has pulled up totally fine. She got to meet her new baby cousin (bio Mum's sister and her family recent got an adorable puppy which looks very much like a young Moo) which didn't seem to bother her either way. Puppy certainly wanted Moo to play with her, but Moo preferred sleeping!
So not all that much has changed since my last post. We went into the fertility clinic and signed the last consent form. It was nice, Bio Mum was actually include on the form this time as my partner. The last time we filled in forms she was included as the 'embryo donor.' The paper work at our clinic hasn't been all that supportive or reflective of our situation. As it stands, even though I have no biological link to our embryos, I own them and have more rights to them than Bio Mum. In fact should we break up, they would be my property.
The clinic's forms made it so that Bio Mum was technically donating her embryos to me. I really think forms at fertility clinics need to be updated to cater for the various family make ups and scenarios that are going to come through the door. Bio Mum is the mother of our children and to be reduced to 'donor' on the forms was hurtful and disrespectful of our relationship and future family.
The form we signed also confirmed that we have a slightly higher risk of identical twins via IVF. Bio Mum is pretty keen for twins, I am terrified! It's not the two births I'm worried about, its the two new borns! One healthy baby would be plenty for me!
Bio Mum and I gave some serious thought to moving up our timetable and doing the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) earlier than expected. I started my cycle on a Friday night (and admittedly it was after a few drinks..which is really how a lot of babies are made!) and we gave some really serious thought to going for a transfer in mid March. Ultimately logic and common sense prevailed and we agreed that even though we are both desperate to have a baby, it was better to wait and stick to the plan.
We have a lifetime to be parents, there isn't a rush. I'd rather take a little longer and do it right then to rush in. Bub is so worth the wait.
In other news Bio Mum and I told my Dad about our baby making plans and he was really supportive (although maybe a little surprised when we first told him). My Dad lives interstate and he was in town on a training course so after dinner one night we told him. He has since told my step mother she is excited too.
Actually the whole family (who we have told) has been extremely supportive and excited about this baby making endeavour we are on. The hardest part for me was telling my mother, and not in the way most people would think. It was hard for me because she has
Alzheimer's disease and I knew that no matter how excited she was about the news, she would soon forget it. That is exactly what happened.
I think that is the one part of this whole process that really upsets me. I mean you never imagine going through something like this without the support of your mother. I always thought that when I had a baby Mum would be the one I'd call for advice or the one who'd help me look after the baby. I never anticipated that she wouldn't really be a part of it all. I am going through the biggest and most life altering time in my life and I wish my Mum could share it with me.
It hurts me so much to know that she might not even remember that she has a grandchild, that she might not remember their name. I miss my Mum, I miss who she was and am sad that the future is going to be so different that what I had always envisaged.
I am lucky though, to still have my Mum and I know that she has played a big part in the mother I will become to my own child. Maybe things won't be exactly as I want them to be, but at least I still have Mum and know that she loves us all very much. Plus Bio Mum and I have such a strong support network of friends and family that I'll always have help. Most importantly I have Bio Mum and she is the best support I could ever ask for!
Wow, did that get depressing for a while there. Sorry about that.
So I have officially stopped drinking in the hopes that if I stop now on my own terms it might make it harder for people to pin-point exactly when we get pregnant. Not that I am a big drinker or anything...hangovers hurt way too much! I just think it is one of those tell-tale signs when someone who usually has a glass of wine with dinner suddenly sticks to water. I am of the firm belief that aside from a very small number of people no one will be told about the pregnancy until we are out of the first trimester. I just know that if something goes wrong it would be a millions times harder to cope with if lots of people knew.
Plus it might be kind of nice to enjoy the early stages with just Bio Mum.
Bub you get closer and closer every day, I can't wait until you are here with us.
Your mummies love you Bub!
Thanks everyone for reading. I hope you had a wonderful Easter!
