And now its April?!

This year has gone even faster than the last! I swear it feels like its only just the start of the year and now Easter is over! Maybe its because we are getting closer to Bub that time is moving quicker? Or maybe time is moving exactly as fast as it always has and I am losing my mind. That is probably the most likely scenario.

Easter was great! Four whole days off work! It's was exactly what I needed, although it was hard to come back to work this morning. Bio Mum and I headed off into the mountains to spend Easter with her family, which was nice. We had the nephews there, and everyone knows that Easter is one of the those holidays that is just better with kids around. While we were there I managed to do some napping, read my kindle and ate lots of chocolate while spending time with Bio Mum's family. 

Next year Bub might even be here and we will get to spend Easter with our little one...I am so going to be one of those parents who puts rabbit ears on their baby!

Bub is going to look very, very cute in bunny ears! Until we have Bub, I guess I'll settle for dressing up the dog.

On the topic of Moo, she is now totally healed from her surgery and running around like a mad thing. She is no longer confined to the laundry and is free to do her daily boarder patrol. Although now that she is allowed to go outside, she wants to stay inside! The grass is always greener. She ran around like a crazy thing this weekend and has pulled up totally fine. She got to meet her new baby cousin (bio Mum's sister and her family recent got an adorable puppy which looks very much like a young Moo) which didn't seem to bother her either way. Puppy certainly wanted Moo to play with her, but Moo preferred sleeping!

So not all that much has changed since my last post. We went into the fertility clinic and signed the last consent form. It was nice, Bio Mum was actually include on the form this time as my partner. The last time we filled in forms she was included as the 'embryo donor.' The paper work at our clinic hasn't been all that supportive or reflective of our situation. As it stands, even though I have no biological link to our embryos, I own them and have more rights to them than Bio Mum. In fact should we break up, they would be my property.

The clinic's forms made it so that Bio Mum was technically donating her embryos to me. I really think forms at fertility clinics need to be updated to cater for the various family make ups and scenarios that are going to come through the door. Bio Mum is the mother of our children and to be reduced to 'donor' on the forms was hurtful and disrespectful of our relationship and future family.

The form we signed also confirmed that we have a slightly higher risk of identical twins via IVF. Bio Mum is pretty keen for twins, I am terrified! It's not the two births I'm worried about, its the two new borns! One healthy baby would be plenty for me!

Bio Mum and I gave some serious thought to moving up our timetable and doing the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) earlier than expected. I started my cycle on a Friday night (and admittedly it was after a few drinks..which is really how a lot of babies are made!) and we gave some really serious thought to going for a transfer in mid March. Ultimately logic and common sense prevailed and we agreed that even though we are both desperate to have a baby, it was better to wait and stick to the plan.

We have a lifetime to be parents, there isn't a rush. I'd rather take a little longer and do it right then to rush in. Bub is so worth the wait.

In other news Bio Mum and I told my Dad about our baby making plans and he was really supportive (although maybe a little surprised when we first told him). My Dad lives interstate and he was in town on a training course so after dinner one night we told him. He has since told my step mother she is excited too.

Actually the whole family (who we have told) has been extremely supportive and excited about this baby making endeavour we are on. The hardest part for me was telling my mother, and not in the way most people would think. It was hard for me because she has  Alzheimer's disease and I knew that no matter how excited she was about the news, she would soon forget it. That is exactly what happened.

I think that is the one part of this whole process that really upsets me. I mean you never imagine going through something like this without the support of your mother. I always thought that when I had a baby Mum would be the one I'd call for advice or the one who'd help me look after the baby. I never anticipated that she wouldn't really be a part of it all. I am going through the biggest and most life altering time in my life and I wish my Mum could share it with me.

It hurts me so much to know that she might not even remember that she has a grandchild, that she might not remember their name. I miss my Mum, I miss who she was and am sad that the future is going to be so different that what I had always envisaged.

I am lucky though, to still have my Mum and I know that she has played a big part in the mother I will become to my own child. Maybe things won't be exactly as I want them to be, but at least I still have Mum and know that she loves us all very much. Plus Bio Mum and I have such a strong support network of friends and family that I'll always have help. Most importantly I have Bio Mum and she is the best support I could ever ask for!

Wow, did that get depressing for a while there. Sorry about that.

So I have officially stopped drinking in the hopes that if I stop now on my own terms it might make it harder for people to pin-point exactly when we get pregnant. Not that I am a big drinker or anything...hangovers hurt way too much! I just think it is one of those tell-tale signs when someone who usually has a glass of wine with dinner suddenly sticks to water. I am of the firm belief that aside from a very small number of people no one will be told about the pregnancy until we are out of the first trimester. I just know that if something goes wrong it would be a millions times harder to cope with if lots of people knew. 

Plus it might be kind of nice to enjoy the early stages with just Bio Mum. 

Bub you get closer and closer every day, I can't wait until you are here with us. 

Your mummies love you Bub!

Thanks everyone for reading. I hope you had a wonderful Easter!