Saturday, December 8, 2012


In the last few weeks I have noticed a trend. It has become even more apparent as I have been braving shopping centers in my quest for Christmas presents for my loved ones. This epidemic is by no means a bad one, it is just everywhere! What am I talking about? Babies of course!

Today me and Bio Mum went to DFO (big factory outlets shopping center for people deprived of this scary and over-crowded shopping experience) and my gosh there were pregnant women and babies EVERYWHERE! No matter where I looked there were babies, pregnant women or baby merchandise. Is there really this baby epidemic or am I just getting cluckier and more keen to have my own baby than I thought?

Everyone is getting pregnant or having babies, it is insane! Is the universe trying to tell us to get a move on making our own baby or what?! Even Kate Middleton is pregnant (my heart aches for all the drama and pain surrounding what should be a happy time. My thoughts go out to the family of the nurse who will experience the most devastating Christmas imaginable). I of course would never wish for the terrible time Kate has had with her acute morning sickness and I wish her and Royal Bub the best.

Oh and to build on this epidemic, in the past week both of my friend Emma's sisters have had baby girls. Babies are really taking over my world and I am not even pregnant yet! Whenever I do something I can't help but imagine having a baby with me. I think about getting up at night (either woken by Bub or a cranky Bio Mum who can't quite believe I can sleep through the sound of a crying baby) to look after Bub, I think about feeding Bub and changing Bub and all that stuff. Somethings thrill me more than others, but I am excited for all of it.

So last time I talked about the fun and stress of choosing a sperm donor. It was a hell of an experience, which now that its done I can look back on it fondly. I am ultimately content with our choice and know that while Bub will be biologically related to this guy, it won't take away from me as the non-Bio Mum in the equation. Bub will be as much my baby as they would have been if they possessed my genetic material. 

Anyway I was going to tell you about our appointments with the fertility clinic's counsellor and the BDC (Baby Daddy Coordinator as the Donor Coordinator was dubbed by Bio Mum). On 4 July 2012 we headed off to the fertility clinic, not overly sure what to expect. It's not like either of us had ever experienced this before, clearly. On arrival we waited for our counsellor, Kim, and were soon taken into a small office to talk to her.

Kim was kind and helpful (well I thought so, Bio Mum thought she was a little judgmental) and asked a lot of what I thought were pretty standard questions about us, our families and our relationship. She jotted down some info (which I assume is typed up in a report in our file with the clinic), asked a few questions and then spent s fair bit of time talking us through the process and providing us with literature to take away with us. 

One of the questions she asked, which really got me tot thinking, was when were we planning to tell our child about the nature of their birth (i.e. donor sperm, Bio Mum's eggs and Incubator Mum's oven) . I hadn't given it much thought previously so it was great to have that question posed. I mean there are probably a million different opinions and ideas about this topic. Kim put it to us that it was better to have the conversation sooner rather than later, that you could start telling a child as young as 2 or 3 years old so it just becomes a part of who they are. I guess it takes away the stigma that might be attached if it is kept a 'secret' and then revealed when Bub is older.

You can even get story books that talk about different types of family configurations and children born through IVF and assisted reproductive technologies. It is pretty fascinating actually. Below is one I found on the web:

There are a lot of resources and support available through the following websites:

Australian Donor Conception Network 
Books for Donor Offspring 

On reflection I agree with the idea of telling Bub from as early as possible. I don't want Bub to ever feel that their family isn't 'normal'. I want Bub to understand that families come in all make ups. There are so many different types and formations of families so I want Bub to know that just because there isn't a 'Daddy' in our family, it doesn't make us any different from other families. We will all love each other just the same.

So that is what I will really take away from our appointment with Kim. 

After Kim we met with the BDC who gave us some more advice about the sperm donor process and the procurement of sperm (at this stage we still hadn't settled on the donor, that happened about a week or so later). BDC was good, but I found the advice kind of vague and not as helpful as I'd hoped for. Maybe my expectations were too high. 

Following that we met with Madame Admin Manager who talked as through the fees (and man did my eyes bug out of my head at the cost, whoa Bub you are one expensive little, not even conceived yet, baby!). Not that cost is the be all and end all, but anyone considering going down the same path as Bio Mum and I should be realistic about how expensive it is going to be. You don't want to be surprised down the track.

With that said, I honestly think nothing in the world will ever give me as much joy as Bub and Bio Mum will (and do). I can't wait for future Christmases, watching kids sports, Mum and Bub swimming lessons (which both Bio Mum and I want to attend so it might be a whole family affair!), birthdays, mother's days and all the rest. 

Oh Bub, how loved you will be (and already are). How lucky and blessed are Bio Mum and I going to be to have you joining our family.

For now, farewell and thank you for reading,

Incubator Mum 


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